Doris Day – What's It All About?

RIP Mum: Songs From The Funeral

Well, a lot has happened since my last post a fortnight ago. The biggest thing being that on Monday we had a funeral service for my mum, which despite being small and intimate, was packed full of all the elements I know she would have approved of, and some she might not – but which went down really well with everyone who attended and watched online. She would have come round I know.

There seems to be a tipping point with age of death, which might be individual to each person, but unlike when someone dies prematurely at far too young an age, there are others whom everyone can agree “had a good innings”, and the funeral service is more a celebration of their life. I think my mum’s service fell into the latter category. Even around here, we seem to be writing tributes all the time for our musical heroes who are passing on at an alarming rate, but there is a totally different tone when it’s for someone like George Michael as opposed to when it’s for Burt Bacharach. I really enjoyed writing Burt’s tribute as I could revisit all those great songs of his I loved listening to growing up, however, I was totally bereft when George died suddenly on Christmas Day 2016, and his heartfelt tribute stretched to four parts.

But back to my mum’s service. It was held at the funeral home as opposed to in a church which is the first thing my mum might have raised an eyebrow at, but the church she had attended in town closed in the years since she went into the care home, so that was no longer an option, and her minister had moved away. Fortunately the minister from our local church was happy to conduct the service (despite the fact we never attend) and so we jointly came up with the Running Order as I called it, although I think it’s supposed to be the Order Of Service.

Although last time I included some of my mum’s favourite artists and music, I took a different tack for her funeral service and the song that accompanied her coffin entering the room was this one, My Love Is Like A Red, Red Rose by our National Bard, Rabbie Burns. My mum would never have thought of herself as anything but a Scot, not for any other reason than that was just what she was. It seemed apt therefore to have this sweet Burns song commence proceedings. In the video clip below the singer Karen Matheson is introduced by Mr WIAA’s old art teacher, Donnie Munro, of popular Scottish band Runrig. The audio clip is by Margaret Donaldson and was the one used for the service.

My Love Is Like A Red, Red Rose by Margaret Donaldson:

My luve’s like a red, red rose,
That’s newly sprung in June:
O my luve’s like the melodie
That’s sweetly play’d in tune.

Having just read up about Burns and the song, it seems he was more the “compiler” of A Red, Red Rose rather than its author. He could take childish/unsophisticated sources and turn them into magic. Many composers have set Burns’ lyric to music, but it gained worldwide popularity set to the traditional tune Low Down in the Broom. In the final years of his life, Burns worked extensively on traditional Scottish songs, ensuring the preservation of over 300, including, thankfully for Scots the world over on Hogmanay, Auld Lang Syne.

The service then went on to contain a hymn, a couple of readings from the bible and a prayer which is what my mum would have expected, and would have appealed to the many old friends and relatives who were watching from abroad and from our village in Aberdeenshire. When it came to the eulogy I was not prepared to leave it in the hands of a minister who didn’t know my mum, so I elected to write it myself. All this blogging for ten years should surely help with that I thought, and it did. I was advised that 1000 words would take 10 minutes but after testing that theory we found you get 1400 words into 10 minutes so I used every one of them wisely, telling the story of her life (the detail of which people were amazed I could remember) and throwing in a fair few humorous stories along the way. I was very pleased with how it turned out. After setting the scene with the eulogy we watched a slide show of 40 photos, chronologically recording my mum’s life (easy for me to put together as I have generations of family photos in my loft). Sadly the slide show hit technical difficulties at slide two so we missed the three photos below but luckily it righted itself fairly quickly.

Photos of my mum as a youngster from the chronological slide show of her life

The song I chose to accompany the slide show was again, very apt for my mum, and although I think she would have been a bit shocked by its inclusion, it was the element that everyone commented upon afterwards. It was Jimmy Unknown by Doris Day. My dad was called Jimmy and was present in more than half of the photos we shared so it was just perfect. Although I had been trial-running it for a week, poor DD was not prepared, and seeing photos of herself with granny and grandad definitely tipped her over the edge.

Over the mountain, over the sea
Somewhere my Jimmy is waiting for me

Jimmy Unknown by Doris Day:

After the slide show we had another reading and prayer followed by the final hymn – something we all knew how to sing. In today’s more secular society we are just not familiar with the hymns and prayers the previous generations grew up with, which can make it awkward when trying to sing along to the music at a funeral or wedding. It suddenly goes up when you think it’s going to go down (Mr WIAA’s pet hate), or vice-versa.

The music I chose for the committal, when the curtains are pulled shut to hide the coffin, was the same piece of music I chose for my dad’s funeral 22 years ago, Highland Cathedral. It just made sense to bring them together like that. As I said above, my mum and dad always saw themselves as Scottish and after I moved to The Highlands, they became very familiar with my neck of the woods. It’s hard to find a version that isn’t too rousing played by a massed pipe band, but I thought this version found a balance. The photo is one of the cathedral in the centre of our town.

Highland Cathedral by The Band of Her Majesty’s Royal Marines Scotland:

There were only 25 of us at the service, 10 family/extended family members and 15 of my friends and neighbours who knew her. I know that quite a few watched from the village and they got in touch to tell me what a lovely service it was which was a relief. My cousin in Perth, Australia, watched at 10.30pm however my cousin in Melbourne had to wait until we had a recording of it, as it would have been 1.30am for him.

Afterwards we went to the hotel recommended by the undertaker who helped me organise things, for the “funeral tea” (although I later discovered they also own that hotel – makes sense!). Fortunately most people came and I had a lovely chat with my best friend from Primary School who had also worked with my mum at the village Health Centre. The biggest difference between us now is that most older people from rural Aberdeenshire still speak in the native Doric, whereas I lost that over 40 years ago. Two cousins came whom I don’t see nearly enough of, so plans have been made for the coming year. I also had to thank all those friends who came for support as they knew we had such a tiny family.

So, “What’s It All About?” – My mum was 90 when she passed away and despite having Alzheimer’s at the end, I think we could all agree she had a good life. My dad passed away too soon which made his funeral a really sad affair but I’d like to think my mum’s truly was a celebration of her life (although apologies to DD for making her very emotional). Life will be a bit different now with no more visits to the care home, but despite all my worries at the outset, she was well looked-after there right to the end.

Until next time…

Jimmy Unknown Lyrics
(Song by Ruth Roberts/Bill Katz)

Who will be my Jimmy Unknown?
Someone to love me and call me his own
Over the mountain
Over the sea
Somewhere my Jimmy is waiting for me

Will he be handsome? Will he be strong?
Lifting my heart like a beautiful song
Over the mountain
Over the sea
Somewhere my Jimmy is waiting for me

The day I surrendered
My lips to his charms
My secret of love
Will be lost in his arms

Who will be my Jimmy Unknown?
Someone who never would leave me alone
Over the mountain
Over the sea
Somewhere my Jimmy is waiting for me

The Sugar Moon, Doris Day and The Golden Age of Hollywood

Since discovering that all full moons have a name (given to them by the Native Americans who kept track of the months by the lunar calendar), I have written about each one as they appear in our skies. To accompany the post I always include one of the numerous songs that have been written about the moon and its many foibles.

To be honest I didn’t think I was going to write any more “moon posts” as I think I’ve clocked up 17 now, and have had to start using the alternate name for the full moon. Also, most of my favourite moon-related songs have been written about now, so starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel a bit.

This week however, I had a really pleasurable afternoon with a number of ladies who suffer from dementia, and it reminded me there are a few more songs I had intended to include at some point but just not got round to yet, as definitely not from the “cool” camp at all. Appropriately, the March full moon which appeared so spectacularly in our skies last night, is also known as the Sugar Moon, because this is the time of year when the sugar maples of Nova Scotia are starting to produce sap. Appropriate because the songs that are going to be featured here, are sugary sweet indeed.

a9009ff0-5568-4641-959c-a40496d938d2-stocksy_txp1bb389353do100_small_937421 — The Sugar Moon

But back to my story. I arrived at my mum’s care home on Tuesday afternoon only to find her watching a film in the home’s very swish inhouse cinema. This room was no doubt set up with the best of intentions, but sadly most of the residents are either too physically infirm to make use of it, or in the case of the dementia sufferers, no longer have the concentration needed to sit through a long film. (We won’t mention the “comfort break” issue, but definitely also a problem.)

On Tuesday afternoon however, there were about five of them watching Calamity Jane starring Doris Day. When I say watching, they were definitely flagging when I arrived, and the carer who was with them was on the verge of abandoning the viewing. “No way”, I thought, this could be a lot more fun than our usual visits where the conversation is tricky to put it mildly. As a great fan of old movies, I knew a lot of the background to Calamity Jane (not least that the Hollywood-ised version was nothing like the life of the real Martha Jane Cannary), so we continued to watch it with me giving a running commentary about the actors, the state it was set in, the storyline and the songs. Of course when you’re in an honest to goodness cinema where actual cash changes hands for a ticket, this is impossible, or very rude at any rate, but in the care home it works well.

The songs from Calamity Jane are standards now, and most of us of a certain age know them well. One of the foibles of dementia is that you don’t remember what you had for breakfast but you remember all the words to old songs, and fortunately most of the ladies in the room were in that position. My mum still has a good singing voice so we all enjoyed singing along to The Deadwood Stage (Whip-Crack-Away!), Just Blew in from the Windy City, The Black Hills of Dakota and best of all, Secret Love. We had a rare old afternoon and I’ve offered to come in next time they plan to show a film – Fingers crossed it’s one I know just as well.

Doris Day (born Doris Mary Ann Kappelhoff) is still with us today, and is about to turn 97 in April (possibly due to her rewarding work as an animal welfare activist – good for body and soul). She recorded more than 650 songs from 1947 to 1967, which made her one of the most popular singers of the 20th century. Her film career began during the latter part of the Classical Hollywood Film Era and she starred in a series of successful films, including musicals, comedies, and dramas. Some of her most successful films were the “bedroom comedies” she made co-starring Rock Hudson and James Garner. Among her awards, Doris received a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award and was given the Cecil B. DeMille Award for lifetime achievement in motion pictures.

In 1951 Doris starred in the film On Moonlight Bay with Gordon MacRae. It was so successful, a sequel was made in 1953 called By The Light of the Silvery Moon. Of course there were songs of the same name to accompany the films, and to celebrate the sighting of the Sugar Moon, they are my featured songs for this post. They don’t make ’em like this any more.

Until next time….

On Moonlight Bay Lyrics
(Song by Percy Wenrich/Edward Madden)

We were sailing along on Moonlight Bay
We could hear the voices ringing
They seemed to say
“You have stolen her heart”
“Now don’t go ‘way”
As we sang love’s old sweet song on Moonlight Bay

We were sailing along on Moonlight Bay
We could hear the voices ringing
They seemed to say
“You have stolen her heart” (You have stolen her heart)
“Now don’t go ‘way”
As we sang love’s old sweet song on Moonlight Bay
(Sailing through the moonlight on Moonlight Bay)

Postscript:

I seem to be unusually productive this week in terms of my blogging output. That would be because I have an academic essay to hand in on Friday for my college course, and I seem to be doing everything I can to avoid completing it. Thought I would find it all a bit easier second time around but it turns out students will be students, whatever their age.

Before I buckle down to finishing my essay (that would be 80% of it), I think we should have another look at Doris playing Calamity Jane. She was a right wee bundle of energy and it certainly worked wonders this week in terms of raising my spirits. Hopefully it will raise yours too.

Trafalgar Square, Doris Day and “Jimmy Unknown”

My very wordy, heavily researched posts are on the back burner at the moment I’m afraid, but a quick scan of this photograph has given me a great opportunity to write a short and snappy post explaining why. My poor mum had a fall last week, and on top of all her other health issues, it has made life very difficult for her. I’m doing my best to look after her on my own as it seems the resources are no longer there to get help from elsewhere – Eventually, perhaps, but we’ll have to be patient. Will soldier on in the meantime.

This is my favourite picture of my mum and dad, taken in the mid 1950s in Trafalgar Square (didn’t they always look so smart in those days). I think many of my peers will also have a similar picture of their parents from that era. I know Mr Medd from Are We There Yet? does, as he shared it with us recently (click on link for the post).

So that’s the visual, but what would they have been listening to around that time? I still have their old 78s in my collection and the one that always brings a tear to my eye is this one, Jimmy Unknown by Doris Day – My dad was indeed a “Jimmy” and was one of life’s unsung heroes who always led by example, doing lots of great work for his community. At the time of this picture he was general foreman, and my mum the boss’s secretary, at the local building firm which seemed to soak up all the school leavers back in the day. Long gone now of course, but many happy years were spent there for both of them.

Sorry I’ve been absent from the comments boxes of the blogs I usually have time to visit, but will have to curb my blogging activities for a while I’m afraid – Hopefully you will all understand.