Well, a lot has happened since my last post a fortnight ago. The biggest thing being that on Monday we had a funeral service for my mum, which despite being small and intimate, was packed full of all the elements I know she would have approved of, and some she might not – but which went down really well with everyone who attended and watched online. She would have come round I know.
There seems to be a tipping point with age of death, which might be individual to each person, but unlike when someone dies prematurely at far too young an age, there are others whom everyone can agree “had a good innings”, and the funeral service is more a celebration of their life. I think my mum’s service fell into the latter category. Even around here, we seem to be writing tributes all the time for our musical heroes who are passing on at an alarming rate, but there is a totally different tone when it’s for someone like George Michael as opposed to when it’s for Burt Bacharach. I really enjoyed writing Burt’s tribute as I could revisit all those great songs of his I loved listening to growing up, however, I was totally bereft when George died suddenly on Christmas Day 2016, and his heartfelt tribute stretched to four parts.
But back to my mum’s service. It was held at the funeral home as opposed to in a church which is the first thing my mum might have raised an eyebrow at, but the church she had attended in town closed in the years since she went into the care home, so that was no longer an option, and her minister had moved away. Fortunately the minister from our local church was happy to conduct the service (despite the fact we never attend) and so we jointly came up with the Running Order as I called it, although I think it’s supposed to be the Order Of Service.
Although last time I included some of my mum’s favourite artists and music, I took a different tack for her funeral service and the song that accompanied her coffin entering the room was this one, My Love Is Like A Red, Red Rose by our National Bard, Rabbie Burns. My mum would never have thought of herself as anything but a Scot, not for any other reason than that was just what she was. It seemed apt therefore to have this sweet Burns song commence proceedings. In the video clip below the singer Karen Matheson is introduced by Mr WIAA’s old art teacher, Donnie Munro, of popular Scottish band Runrig. The audio clip is by Margaret Donaldson and was the one used for the service.
My luve’s like a red, red rose,
That’s newly sprung in June:
O my luve’s like the melodie
That’s sweetly play’d in tune.
Having just read up about Burns and the song, it seems he was more the “compiler” of A Red, Red Rose rather than its author. He could take childish/unsophisticated sources and turn them into magic. Many composers have set Burns’ lyric to music, but it gained worldwide popularity set to the traditional tune Low Down in the Broom. In the final years of his life, Burns worked extensively on traditional Scottish songs, ensuring the preservation of over 300, including, thankfully for Scots the world over on Hogmanay, Auld Lang Syne.
The service then went on to contain a hymn, a couple of readings from the bible and a prayer which is what my mum would have expected, and would have appealed to the many old friends and relatives who were watching from abroad and from our village in Aberdeenshire. When it came to the eulogy I was not prepared to leave it in the hands of a minister who didn’t know my mum, so I elected to write it myself. All this blogging for ten years should surely help with that I thought, and it did. I was advised that 1000 words would take 10 minutes but after testing that theory we found you get 1400 words into 10 minutes so I used every one of them wisely, telling the story of her life (the detail of which people were amazed I could remember) and throwing in a fair few humorous stories along the way. I was very pleased with how it turned out. After setting the scene with the eulogy we watched a slide show of 40 photos, chronologically recording my mum’s life (easy for me to put together as I have generations of family photos in my loft). Sadly the slide show hit technical difficulties at slide two so we missed the three photos below but luckily it righted itself fairly quickly.
Photos of my mum as a youngster from the chronological slide show of her life
The song I chose to accompany the slide show was again, very apt for my mum, and although I think she would have been a bit shocked by its inclusion, it was the element that everyone commented upon afterwards. It was Jimmy Unknown by Doris Day. My dad was called Jimmy and was present in more than half of the photos we shared so it was just perfect. Although I had been trial-running it for a week, poor DD was not prepared, and seeing photos of herself with granny and grandad definitely tipped her over the edge.
Over the mountain, over the sea
Somewhere my Jimmy is waiting for me
Jimmy Unknown by Doris Day:
After the slide show we had another reading and prayer followed by the final hymn – something we all knew how to sing. In today’s more secular society we are just not familiar with the hymns and prayers the previous generations grew up with, which can make it awkward when trying to sing along to the music at a funeral or wedding. It suddenly goes up when you think it’s going to go down (Mr WIAA’s pet hate), or vice-versa.
The music I chose for the committal, when the curtains are pulled shut to hide the coffin, was the same piece of music I chose for my dad’s funeral 22 years ago, Highland Cathedral. It just made sense to bring them together like that. As I said above, my mum and dad always saw themselves as Scottish and after I moved to The Highlands, they became very familiar with my neck of the woods. It’s hard to find a version that isn’t too rousing played by a massed pipe band, but I thought this version found a balance. The photo is one of the cathedral in the centre of our town.
Highland Cathedral by The Band of Her Majesty’s Royal Marines Scotland:
There were only 25 of us at the service, 10 family/extended family members and 15 of my friends and neighbours who knew her. I know that quite a few watched from the village and they got in touch to tell me what a lovely service it was which was a relief. My cousin in Perth, Australia, watched at 10.30pm however my cousin in Melbourne had to wait until we had a recording of it, as it would have been 1.30am for him.
Afterwards we went to the hotel recommended by the undertaker who helped me organise things, for the “funeral tea” (although I later discovered they also own that hotel – makes sense!). Fortunately most people came and I had a lovely chat with my best friend from Primary School who had also worked with my mum at the village Health Centre. The biggest difference between us now is that most older people from rural Aberdeenshire still speak in the native Doric, whereas I lost that over 40 years ago. Two cousins came whom I don’t see nearly enough of, so plans have been made for the coming year. I also had to thank all those friends who came for support as they knew we had such a tiny family.
So, “What’s It All About?” – My mum was 90 when she passed away and despite having Alzheimer’s at the end, I think we could all agree she had a good life. My dad passed away too soon which made his funeral a really sad affair but I’d like to think my mum’s truly was a celebration of her life (although apologies to DD for making her very emotional). Life will be a bit different now with no more visits to the care home, but despite all my worries at the outset, she was well looked-after there right to the end.
Until next time…
Jimmy Unknown Lyrics
(Song by Ruth Roberts/Bill Katz)
Who will be my Jimmy Unknown?
Someone to love me and call me his own
Over the mountain
Over the sea
Somewhere my Jimmy is waiting for me
Will he be handsome? Will he be strong?
Lifting my heart like a beautiful song
Over the mountain
Over the sea
Somewhere my Jimmy is waiting for me
The day I surrendered
My lips to his charms
My secret of love
Will be lost in his arms
Who will be my Jimmy Unknown?
Someone who never would leave me alone
Over the mountain
Over the sea
Somewhere my Jimmy is waiting for me
What's It All About? 