Saturday is the day I go for my Stormfront lesson – Sounds like I’m in training to become a Marvel superhero-type figure but no, after purchasing my new Apple laptop from the local Stormfront computer shop, I thought it would be a good idea to actually learn how to use all the bells and whistles on it. It turns out you can buy a year’s Personal Trainer Card which gives you up to 200 hours of one-to-one training. No-one has ever fitted in 200 hours of training in a year to date, but I am working on being the first – Works out at 39p per session if you do, so excellent value for money (and no jokes please about the fact that I am Scottish and therefore unfairly regarded as being a bit tight with the old spondulicks).
Of course whenever anything sounds just too good to be true, it usually is, and by the time you pay for the car parking and shove in time at one of the many nearby stores (if you’ve got there a bit too early), it has already cost you about £15 before you begin but hey, it’s my new Saturday routine, and so far I’ve learnt a lot.
The shop right next door to Stormfront is Lakeland, which of course sells all sorts of highly priced but colourful kitchen accessories you never knew you needed. Last week I ended up buying Easter egg moulds and a fancy silicon pastry brush which meant we made some dodgy homemade chocolate eggs which came in at around £10 per unit as opposed to the nice shop-bought ones that could have been purchased for a £1.
Today I had another browse, as I had again arrived about ten minutes too early, and what was piled up on a table by the front entrance, but lots of pots of ready-made frosting (or icing as we would call it) for cup cakes. Considering I wrote about cakes and icing last Saturday for my MacArthur Park post, I had to have a proper look at these brightly packaged tubs. One of the flavours was “Piña Colada” which of course reminded me of Escape (The Piña Colada Song) released in 1979 by Rupert Holmes. Funnily enough I had already been trying to work out which song to feature next from the excellent Marvel Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack album, full of lesser-known ’70s pop fodder. Here it was falling into my lap!
Escape (The Piña Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes:
I did write about this song last year (link here) as I had always thought I liked it because of the jaunty upbeat chorus. After revisiting it however I took more heed of the lyrics and realised (as often happens), that it was not really a jaunty upbeat tale at all. I even ended up having a bit of a spat with an American blogger due to our different interpretation of the lyrics. He seems to have disappeared from the blogosphere since and if it had anything to do with me I am truly sorry, but I doubt it. You need stamina to keep going with all this malarkey and it can really separate the men from the boys (or girls).
The spat came about because of our very different take on the twist to the song. After being tired of his “old lady” Rupert replies to a personal ad in a newspaper but lo and behold, who turns up for their clandestine meeting but his own “lovely lady” – What happened to the “old lady” he was so tired of?
So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, “Oh, it’s you”
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, “I never knew”
I know this might sound totally unreasonable but in my opinion if your other half was the person who turned up at O’Malley’s, there would be no sniggers of laughter and playful chiding about how little you knew each other, it would be curtains for the relationship. In the first place you would both have been caught out so you’d become all angry and defensive, and secondly, the excitement of perhaps meeting someone with whom to plan your escape has all of a sudden dissipated. I fear there would be no turning back, from this “turn of events”.
My American blogging friend however decided that after the initial shock of finding each other at O’Malley’s, they would indeed get over it, have a laugh about it, and start to rebuild their relationship. He obviously doesn’t know Scottish women!
So, “What’s It All About?” – If you’re thinking of placing sneaky little personal ads or going down the modern day online equivalent, run it by your other half first as you just never know, they might be thinking of doing exactly the same thing. As for me, Mr WIAA has just arrived with a large glass containing a Piña Colada made with the cocktail mix I bought in the Lakeland shop today after my lesson – A pre-emptive strike is the best kind of strike, but I do think that this time, I’ll give the dunes of the cape a miss.
Escape (The Piña Colada Song) Lyrics
(Song by Rupert Holmes)
I was tired of my lady, we’d been together too long
Like a worn-out recording, of a favourite song
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read
“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I’m the love that you’ve looked for, write to me, and escape”
I didn’t think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I’m nobody’s poet, I thought it wasn’t half bad
“Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
I’m not much into health food, I am into champagne
I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O’Malley’s, where we’ll plan our escape”
So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, “Oh, it’s you”
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, “I never knew”
“That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
You’re the love that I’ve looked for, come with me, and escape”
“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I’m the love that you’ve looked for, come with me, and escape”