Music from Guardians of the Galaxy #2 – Rupert Holmes and that Piña Colada Song!

Saturday is the day I go for my Stormfront lesson – Sounds like I’m in training to become a Marvel superhero-type figure but no, after purchasing my new Apple laptop from the local Stormfront computer shop, I thought it would be a good idea to actually learn how to use all the bells and whistles on it. It turns out you can buy a year’s Personal Trainer Card which gives you up to 200 hours of one-to-one training. No-one has ever fitted in 200 hours of training in a year to date, but I am working on being the first – Works out at 39p per session if you do, so excellent value for money (and no jokes please about the fact that I am Scottish and therefore unfairly regarded as being a bit tight with the old spondulicks).

Of course whenever anything sounds just too good to be true, it usually is, and by the time you pay for the car parking and shove in time at one of the many nearby stores (if you’ve got there a bit too early), it has already cost you about £15 before you begin but hey, it’s my new Saturday routine, and so far I’ve learnt a lot.

The shop right next door to Stormfront is Lakeland, which of course sells all sorts of highly priced but colourful kitchen accessories you never knew you needed. Last week I ended up buying Easter egg moulds and a fancy silicon pastry brush which meant we made some dodgy homemade chocolate eggs which came in at around £10 per unit as opposed to the nice shop-bought ones that could have been purchased for a £1.

th1T0OM42E

Today I had another browse, as I had again arrived about ten minutes too early, and what was piled up on a table by the front entrance, but lots of pots of ready-made frosting (or icing as we would call it) for cup cakes. Considering I wrote about cakes and icing last Saturday for my MacArthur Park post, I had to have a proper look at these brightly packaged tubs. One of the flavours was “Piña Colada” which of course reminded me of Escape (The Piña Colada Song) released in 1979 by Rupert Holmes. Funnily enough I had already been trying to work out which song to feature next from the excellent Marvel Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack album, full of lesser-known ’70s pop fodder. Here it was falling into my lap!

Escape (The Piña Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes:

I did write about this song last year (link here) as I had always thought I liked it because of the jaunty upbeat chorus. After revisiting it however I took more heed of the lyrics and realised (as often happens), that it was not really a jaunty upbeat tale at all. I even ended up having a bit of a spat with an American blogger due to our different interpretation of the lyrics. He seems to have disappeared from the blogosphere since and if it had anything to do with me I am truly sorry, but I doubt it. You need stamina to keep going with all this malarkey and it can really separate the men from the boys (or girls).

The spat came about because of our very different take on the twist to the song. After being tired of his “old lady” Rupert replies to a personal ad in a newspaper but lo and behold, who turns up for their clandestine meeting but his own “lovely lady” – What happened to the “old lady” he was so tired of?

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, “Oh, it’s you”
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, “I never knew”

I know this might sound totally unreasonable but in my opinion if your other half was the person who turned up at O’Malley’s, there would be no sniggers of laughter and playful chiding about how little you knew each other, it would be curtains for the relationship. In the first place you would both have been caught out so you’d become all angry and defensive, and secondly, the excitement of perhaps meeting someone with whom to plan your escape has all of a sudden dissipated. I fear there would be no turning back, from this “turn of events”.

My American blogging friend however decided that after the initial shock of finding each other at O’Malley’s, they would indeed get over it, have a laugh about it, and start to rebuild their relationship. He obviously doesn’t know Scottish women!

So, “What’s It All About?” – If you’re thinking of placing sneaky little personal ads or going down the modern day online equivalent, run it by your other half first as you just never know, they might be thinking of doing exactly the same thing. As for me, Mr WIAA has just arrived with a large glass containing a Piña Colada made with the cocktail mix I bought in the Lakeland shop today after my lesson – A pre-emptive strike is the best kind of strike, but I do think that this time, I’ll give the dunes of the cape a miss.

dunes

Escape (The Piña Colada Song) Lyrics
(Song by Rupert Holmes)

I was tired of my lady, we’d been together too long
Like a worn-out recording, of a favourite song
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read

“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I’m the love that you’ve looked for, write to me, and escape”

I didn’t think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I’m nobody’s poet, I thought it wasn’t half bad

“Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
I’m not much into health food, I am into champagne
I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O’Malley’s, where we’ll plan our escape”

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, “Oh, it’s you”
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, “I never knew”

“That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
You’re the love that I’ve looked for, come with me, and escape”

“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I’m the love that you’ve looked for, come with me, and escape”

Rupert Holmes, Piña Coladas and Annoying Lyrics

Writing last time about the Jimmy Webb song MacArthur Park and its bizarre cake lyrics led me to think of another “food and drink” song from the late ’70s – Escape (The Piña Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes. (Excuse the double lyrics but the best version I could find).

Escape (The Piña Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes:

Until now I thought I had always liked this song as it has a jaunty upbeat chorus, but listening to it again has just made me very angry. Maybe it’s because I’ve now been married for nearly 25 years, but if “he was tired of his lady” maybe it was time for a frank discussion about what was going wrong and how to fix it, not resort to the personal ads. Their relationship was, according to the narrator, “like a worn-out recording, of a favourite song”. Now sadly with a story song like this, sung in the first person, you can’t help but think of the person doing the singing, and watching the video clip, Rupert (Steve Wright in the afternoon anyone?) looks as if he’s just come off the golf course. Combine that with his dad-dancing, smugness and overly literal actions and he looks about as uncool as humanly possible in 1979 – Looking a bit like a worn-out recording yourself Mr Holmes.

And then it gets worse – He replies to a personal ad placed by a goodtime girl who likes having sex outdoors (piña coladas and making love in the dunes), and doesn’t care about intelligence or fitness levels (have half a brain and not into yoga). What red-blooded male having problems with “his lady” wouldn’t reply?

pinacolada

So it is night time, but he has managed to read the personal ad, submit a response (which wasn’t half bad so he thought – grrr) and in the pre-internet era managed to be all set for a meeting in a bar (?) the following morning. By now I am highly dubious as to the character of the person he is likely to encounter but lo and behold it turns out to be his own “lovely” lady (what happened to the “old” lady he was tired of). Oh how they laughed – Really? You place a personal ad and the person who turns up is the person you are trying to escape from – Yes, what a jolly time they must have had mid-morning at O’Malley’s, chiding each other playfully about how little they knew each other. What had they been doing all the time they were together for goodness sake? Sleeping and reading newspapers by the sound of it.

So there we have it – Another food and drink song with ridiculous lyrics. Starting to see a pattern here. I also think that this was a song I’d only ever heard on the radio so I didn’t know what Rupert Holmes looked like. Not possibly someone you would, in the fantasy world of song lyrics, dream of having piña coladas and sex on the beach with, so it’s kind of spoilt it for me.

Before I sign out though I came across this “Sims” clip that re-enacts the song – I remember my daughter spending hours on her Sim families but she never thought of doing this one I’m sure. Made me smile and made me a little less angry with the silly lyrics.

Escape (The Piña Colada Song) Lyrics
(Song by Rupert Holmes)

I was tired of my lady, we’d been together too long
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read

“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I’m the love that you’ve looked for, write to me, and escape”

I didn’t think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I’m nobody’s poet, I thought it wasn’t half bad

“Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
I’m not much into health food, I am into champagne
I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O’Malley’s, where we’ll plan our escape”

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, “Oh, it’s you”
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, “I never knew”

“That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
You’re the love that I’ve looked for, come with me, and escape”

“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I’m the love that you’ve looked for, come with me, and escape”

dunes

Postscript:

I’ve said before that I never intend to cause offence in this blog but here I am ridiculing a song that was actually a big hit for Mr Holmes so plenty of people must have enjoyed it back in the day. Also, he did spend most of the ’70s writing songs for other people so by 1979 it was high time he had some fun singing his own lyrics and who am I to say whether he looked cool or uncool (he looked uncool).

The story to the song does have a “twist”, which on a superficial level could have been quite funny, but even 37 years ago I doubt if any couple in the same situation would have really seen the humour. I am trying to be magnanimous here but I can see I am digging myself an even bigger hole. Definitely time to sign off and in the unlikely event that you ever read this Rupert Holmes, I am very sorry!