Last week I wrote about how our neighbours, who were also good friends, had moved on to pastures new. I was sad, as they will largely now be lost to us.
This week we lost Peanut, the hamster DD bought as a pandemic pick-me-up last year. I didn’t think we’d ever have another small rodent in the house (by choice), but he came along at just the right time, when things were still looking pretty grim. Of late we’ve just been needed for pet-sitting duties, so we didn’t see him as often, but his health had deteriorated fast over the last few weeks. Mercifully he went to sleep on Monday night and just didn’t wake up, thus avoiding that distressing final trip to the vet’s.
Another big change this week came about when I went to see my mum at the care home. I am allowed in once a week but our visits are still heavily policed in order to keep the residents safe. Far from ideal, but she seems content which is about as good as it gets. When the carer who supervises visits came to collect me, my mum told her I was an “old friend”. Once your mum no longer recognises you as her daughter, do you still have a mum, or is she now lost to you? It’s all very weird and distressing but we’re on an Alzheimer’s journey with her and have no idea how it will end.
Finally (long-term followers will probably remember my trilogy of posts), this was the weekend two years ago that my best friend lost her daughter to suicide, so a really tough one for her and her family. She not only lost her daughter, who is missed more with each year that passes, but she also lost her way of life, which now bears no resemblance to how it used to be. I miss my friend and all the fun times we used to have together.
A bit of a sad post this, for several reasons, and for once I don’t think it would be appropriate to balance it out with some jokey happening from the week. Instead, here is Nothing Compares 2 U, a very sad song that has been shared around here before, but one that still wins the prize for featuring in my least visited post, a full five years on from when it was written. I have always found this unusual as the song, written by the genius that was Prince, was a massive world-wide hit in 1990 for Sinéad O’Connor. The lyrics are not particularly appropriate to any of the sad situations mentioned above but they do evoke that feeling of loss we experience, when things we take for granted are no longer in our lives. Here is that iconic video clip of Sinéad singing the song and an audio clip of the song performed by the man himself, Prince, this time featuring Rosie Gaines.
I’m hoping to get back on track by next time but just not the week for a jaunty upbeat post. The COP26 conference on climate change starts in Glasgow today so young people around the world will be hoping for a firm commitment from world leaders that their futures are not being jeopardised. I hope to return with positive news on that front. Early days yet but we might even have a new hamster in the family by then too. Amazing how a small desert rodent originating from Syria can bring such joy to both children and adults, but he did. RIP Peanut.
Until next time…
Nothing Compares 2 U Lyrics
(Song by Nelson Prince Rogers)
It’s been seven hours and fifteen days
Since you took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since you took your love away
Since you’ve been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing
I said nothing can take away these blues
‘Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you
It’s been so lonely without you here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me, baby, where did I go wrong
I could put my arms around every boy I see
But they’d only remind me of you
I went to the doctor and guess what he told me?
Guess what he told me?
He said, “Girl, you better try to have fun no matter what you do,”
But he’s a fool
‘Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you
All the flowers that you planted, mama, in the back yard
All died when you went away
I know that living with you, baby, was sometimes hard
But I’m willing to give it another try
Nothing compares
Nothing compares to you
Nothing compares
Nothing compares to you
Nothing compares
Nothing compares to you
What's It All About? 
A pretty tough week, Alyson. Stay strong.
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We all get them from time to time. Good luck with the week ahead.
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I’m sorry to hear about your mother’s condition. Alzheimer’s is terrible.
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It is indeed. Thanks for your comment.
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Tough week, only slightly offset by a ‘great’ song. Of all the versions, I think Sinead’s is the best.
I am sorry that you are dealing with Alzheimers at your age. My wife and I are a good ten years older than you and Mr WIAA, and its only now becoming an issue with our friends. All of our parents have passed on and they were all spared from Alzheimer’s.
Not surprisingly, one of our closest couple friends has a mother that is fighting the disease. These friends are also still dealing with the loss of a daughter ten years ago to cancer at the age of 27. So unnatural for a parent to bury a child!
Friends and family have helped this couple and so has music.
The husband has always played in a band and continues to do so to this day.. I’m not suggesting that his passion for music has shielded him from the grieving, but it hasn’t hurt.
Hearing a new song, figuring out how to play it and then sharing it with his friends, often gives his day a purpose and a direction.
I hope the music still offers you and your friend some similar comfort from the pain of daily life.
ABBA was on to something when they wrote ‘Thank You For The Music’.
Stay strong and safe.
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Yes, it was a tough week, and odd to include the upset caused by the passing of a pet along with the other much bigger upsets, but sometimes it’s just the straw that breaks the camel’s back so to speak therefore I wasn’t in the mood for a jaunty upbeat post.
I’m surprised you were spared dementia with both your sets of parents as just about everyone I know of my age either has a mum or dad living with that condition. In one case all four parents have been given that diagnosis and are currently in the different stages of needing support. We went down the care home route with my mum and it did work well for her for a year, but when the pandemic came along everything changed, families were locked out, entertainment and activites stopped and they were kept to their rooms. It’s not been value for money of late that’s for sure and many of the residents have really deteriorated. It is what it is but quite distressing to witness (from 2 metres). They are being “kept safe” but what are they being kept safe for as their quality of life is just above zero. Sorry, I tend to get angry about it all.
So sorry to hear about your friend’s daughter – It really is unnatural for offspring to go first so finding coping mechanisms through hobbies and interests (like music) must help. My friend does similar things but her life will never be the same again.
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Note that Prince also wrote the Bangles song “Manic Monday”.
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Didn’t know that but now I do. He seems to have written many songs suitable for female songstresses around that time – Suited his style.
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As Rol says a tough week for you Alyson.
Must be heartbreaking visiting your mum.
Excellent song choice.I have a great version by King Creosote which I have posted before.
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A strange week indeed with a fair few negative things all coming along at once, but it’s life isn’t it, and we all have such issues.
Just listened to that King Creosote version and it is beautiful. I enjoyed the Prince version too though as until now only really familiar with the Sinead one. He was a talented chap that Prince.
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So sorry to hear what a sad time it is for you right now. I can imagine how hard it is re. your mum. At least she doesn’t know that, and seems content, which I guess can be a small comfort in a distressing situation. I think I may have mentioned it before but when I was in my late teens I did some voluntary work with an elderly people’s group and had the job of looking after a lady with Alzheimer’s on a coach trip to a wildlife park. Her middle-aged daughter was with her but the old lady thought it was the other way round, and that she was the daughter and the daughter was her mum! So difficult for the daughter but her mother appeared to be in such a happy, peaceful world in her head. That thought always remained with me.
So sad too about your friend, I remember well when you told us about the awful event. I can’t contemplate how hard that must be and wish her all the best. She’s lucky to have you as such a supportive friend too.
RIP little Peanut. “Amazing how a small desert rodent originating from Syria can bring joy to both children and adults, but he did. ” Ah, that’s lovely.
Here’s hoping for some happier, easier times ahead in whatever form they come.
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As I said above, funny how the loss of a little pet rodent can cause such upset, but on top of our neighbours moving away, the reminder that my friend’s old life will never be back to what it was, and the watershed moment with my mum, it wasn’t the best week. I’ve heard Alzheimer story like the one you shared from friends and we’ll no doubt experience the same at times. She already thinks the picture of me on her shelf is a picture of herself.
Thanks for the good wishes.
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Alyson, so sorry to read about your mum. Alzheimer’s is an awful, wretched thing. I hope there are days when she can still recognise you.
I wish I could feel optimistic about COP26, but I find that hard.
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Thanks Martin and thanks also for all the hard work you did raising money for Alzheimer’s on your recent challenge.
Yes, COP26 a big deal for Scotland as hosted in Glasgow. Let’s see how it goes but the challenge is immense.
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